PitaPata Dog tickers

PitaPata Dog tickers

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Nooooooooooooooo...Not The BATH!!!!!

I have something to tell you... my mom tortures me. She does it at least once a week. And dad helps.

They both call this devious torture...a BATH, and try to make me believe it's a good thing, but I am not buying it! I know that what they are really trying to do, is make me look more like them...which means less hairy!

There is a big white tank in the little room down the hall, that is used for this weekly ritual. They fill that tank up with wet stuff and plop me in it. Then mom grabs this hissing snake from the wall that spews liquid out from it's head, and she douses me with it! I fight, I try to jump out, but dad holds me down.

Once they have me totally soaked, mom reaches for the container that holds the smelly stuff. Oh it's just dreadful, it smells like a flower. She pours this icky scented stuff all over me and tries to rub my fur off with it.

I guess it doesn't work, because after she is finished with that, she gets that snake and sprays me all over again with that VENOM! Then she grabs another container with pink stuff in it. Pink stuff...can you believe that?! It smells worse than the first batch of hair remover.

Again, she rubs it all over me, and you just know this stuff is gonna work 'cause both mom and dad are smiling, telling me how bootiful I am going to look and smell. But the pink stuff didn't really work, I still have all my fur, so I think they have finally given up. They lift me from the torture tank and wrap me a some kind of straight jacket thing.

This is how I look right after they remove me from the torture device.

I know...it's pretty sad isn't it!  You can tell by the look on my face, how traumatic it has been! Notice the straight jacket!!!!!!

You'd think after all this, they would know that they can't defur the dog, but ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo, they still wont give up. They have a new plan...lets see if we can melt and blow the fur off the dog!! Taking aim, mom revs up a hot air gun and points it at me. I look up at dad with pleading eyes that say, please make it stop! But I know these two are in it together, and lose all hope of a reprieve, when dad turns me around to face the barrel of that gun.

After 5 minutes of assult by hot air, mom realizes, this too has failed. But, she has one more trick up her sleeve - the double clacky snipper knives!  I cringe and whine softly as she cuts away my fur. When the shearing ceases, mom looks quite pleased with herself, tells me what a good boy I have been, then kisses me on the nose! I think they have accomplished their mission. I must now be completely devoid of fur.

As dad cleans up the torture chamber, eleminating any evidence of what has gone on in that room, mom picks me up and holds me in front of the big reflecting glass. At first I am frightened to look, but mom holds my chin up, and says, "Look at what a bootiful boy you are." I hazard a quick glance...and I am amazed! 

This is what I see.

 WOW...I still have most of my fur, I look marvellous, and ya know what...
I do smell kinda nice!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Things I Have Learned

This is me the day I came home with mom and dad. Ya, I know, I'm pretty darn cute. I was pretty naive too. Heck I was nearly brand new, and didn't have a clue about what I was supposed to do. I found out...I had to behave. I didn't even know what behave meant, I finally figured out that being a Good Dog, meant I was behaving. Being a Bad Dog meant..I was not...behaving. I have learned a lot over the past two years...I have learned how to be  Good Dog!

Here's a list of some things I have to remember to be a Good Dog

1. I will not eat the cat poop that I find in the yard
2. I will not roll on the cat poop I find in the yard
3. Nor will I roll on dead birds, mice, squirrels or any other dead thing, just because I like the way they smell
4. If I have tummy trouble and upchuck, I will not re-eat the contents of my stomach, that is now on the living room carpet
5. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up
6. I will not throw up in the car
7. The sofa is not a face towel
8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
12. Nor will I kiss mom or dad's face after doing so
13. I will not play tug-of-war with Mom's underwear when she's on the toilet
14. Sticking my nose into some one's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'
15 The lizard is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing
16. I will not roll my toys under the fridge
17. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff
18. I must not pee on the big tree with lights on it, that is set up in the living room once a year
19. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
20. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
21. My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
22. I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the "perfect" place to poop.
23. I will not bark at the giant invisible squirrel in the yard
24. I will not make Dad chase me around the yard in the rain when its time to go in
25. I will not chew holes in every sock I find lying around on the floor

I am sure there is a lot more to learn, but I am doing pretty good...when I remember!

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Mover Machine

Humans are a funny lot. When they want to go somewhere, they climb into strange metal machines, strap themselves in and zoom off.

I like to go out in the mover machine with mom. I usually have to sit in the back seat. Mom says it's because my jumping on her lap and licking her nose, is not conducive to safe driving. Go figure!

The back seat isn't so bad. I get to run from window to window, to bark at the other mover machines. Sometimes I see other dogs sitting in their mover machines, and we bark at each other! That's when mom will tell me in a rather loud stern voice, to SIT DOWN. It kind of startles me, 'cause she rarely yells at the cute dog.

I heard mom and dad talking the other night about buying a "seat belt for the dog". I think that is a restraining device they will use to strap me into the mover machine. How the heck am I going to run from window to window to talk to everyone I see?

No mom - please - not the SEAT BELT - I'll sit down - honest!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Yay- Snow - NOT

Mom was really excited today, we had our first snowfall of the season. She loves snow. Me on the other paw, I'm not so sure. I dunno, maybe it's the coat, but I am not impressed.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Your Age In Human Years

Here's a chart to help you figure out just how old you are in human years.

Note: It is a common belief that 1 human year is equal to 7 dog years. That is not very accurate, since dogs reach adulthood within the first couple of years and the size of the dog, will determine the aging process.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Let me introduce myself

Woof  Woof

My name is Merfy. I'm a Morkie, My biological dad was a Maltese Terrier, and my biological mom was a Yorkshire Terrier, so they tell me. I know in reality, I am a Rottweiler/Wolf cross. 

I'm a designer dog, which means my adoptive parents paid a whack of money for me. But in the old days I would have been called a MUTT, and they would have got me for free!  How rude is that!

As you can see, I'm a darned cute dog, and I know it!

I'm 2 years old, so in dog years that makes me *24. But my mom and dad still treat me like a puppy.

Note: It is a common belief that 1 human year is equal to 7 dog years. That is not very accurate, since dogs reach adulthood within the first couple of years and small dogs live longer than large or medium dogs.

I'll be putting up a great chart that you can use to calcuate your own age in my next post.

That's all for now, I think I hear a dog biscuit calling my name.